Grishler Gradlen (weapon)

[Deleted]

Gradlen; Grishler;Human

Name: Grishler Gradlen

Nickname: Grishler

Age: 15

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Position: Student

Class: NOT

Partner: Not found

A Strong Body



Appearance: Grishler has a dark toned body(from being in the sun often), his hair is short and spiked in the front and glows crimson red as if he bathes in blood. People will usually find him dressed fairly professional when he isn't working out, but when he is pumping iron he only wears gym shorts. He sports a highly muscled look whether he is dressed professionally or lounging around the house. He is 5'7" and weighs 195 lbs.
Grishler usually has a smile on his face even if it a front so people don't ask any questions like 'what's wrong?'. He has a square jaw line and the rest of his face seems to symmetrically fit together. His eyes are a kind of ocean blue. People have said that the resemble the ocean so much that they can get lost in them.

Height: 5'7"

Weight: 195

Fighting Style: When Grishler gets into a fight and is by himself he plays defensive until the an opportunity arises to be taken. It doesn't matter how long it takes he will wait for the right moment, that is what he was trained to do ever since he was a kid with his father. The motto set in by his father was "the best offense is a good defense", sooner or later they will slip up and leave an opening and when that happens strike.

Personality: 
Grishler isn't a very outgoing person, and he typically tries to stay to himself even though it usually doesn't happen. He has very high trust issues since his only sibling tried killing him because of jealousy. Since he has trust issues he has a decently sharp eye, but he doesn't have very quick reflexes to keep up with it. Due to his slow reflexes he worked towards having a good endurance level.
Grishler will usually only look after himself unless he considers you a precious friend, or is under orders to keep you safe. Which he is really good at following order and not asking questions. If you get close(on a deep level) with him he has a decent sense of humor and will trust you with his life, but that isn't an easy thing to do.
He enjoys doing things like hiking, swimming, and pretty much anything that has to deal with being outside. He has fascination with working out or staying active to stay at the top of his physical game. Grishler is a sore loser and when he does lose he makes sure it won't happen twice with the same person. He will get payback and it usually is worse than his beating. 

Inside the Soul

Weapon form:
Zweihander is the form he takes when it comes to partnership fighting. When Grishler transforms into this weapon, he is 160 cm in length and 2.8 kg in weight. The hilt is in the form of 2 snake swirling around each other til they get to the blade. The snakes branch outwards from the blade with their mouths open. It's a double-edged, straight blade that holds a green tint to it. 

Partial Form:
Grishler can transform his right forearm into the blade. The blade he produces from the partial transformation is only about 100 cm long. He uses it fend off attacks so that he can buy time or wait for the opportunity to finish off his enemy.



Resonances:N/A

Out of your Mind

Strengths: 
Physically strong
Strategy 
High Endurance
Weaknesses: 
Poor hearing
Not agile
No combat experience 
Hobbies:
Grishler likes to be active so he will usually be training or playing a physical game. While small training he will study for his classes because he understands he needs to make good grades.

Likes: 
Outdoor activities
Looking his best
Training
Studying

Dislikes:
Losing
Being center of attention
Sloppy makeouts
Arrogance
Aspirations:
Grishler wants to be the best at what he does, and the only way to do that is to become a death sythe.

History:
Grishler grew up in a small village that only had about 25 people in it. His family were weapons outside of the Shibusen. They knew of us and kept on eye on my family to make sure they didn't get out of hand and cause chaos or anything like that. I wish they would have acted sooner though. Growing up his father taught his sister and himself how to control the transformations. His sister was exceptionally talented and didn't need any extra training sessions like her little brother did. Grishler wasn't talented and it took a while to teach him control and patience, so all of the attention was focused on teaching him what he needed to know. This made the sister jealous of him, so she started acting out and messing up her lessons, that way their parents would pay attention to her but it didn't work. All they did was yell at her and tell her to shape up, that she knew how important it was for Grishler to learn.
She understood that it wasn't his fault that he was getting all of their "love" but she couldn't help be jealous and angry at him. Grishler loved his sister very much and they used to talk all the time, but the angrier she got the further apart they grew. He knew what was wrong with her and he tried telling them but his parents wouldn't listen to it. So he tried his hardest to get better that way things would change for his sister and they would be close again. However it was too late for her, she had already broken the number 1 rule "Never eat a human soul". She thought this has to get their attention, and she was right but in the wrong way. Once their parents found out about her deeds they began hunting her so she wouldn't become Kishin. Everyone did their best to keep this secret from Grishler. They told him that she was kidnapped and that she couldn't be found but he eventually found out the truth, they just wish he found out differently.
One summer night while he was training hard by the lake, he heard screams of terror in his village. So he went to find out what was happening, and what he saw changed his life forever. What he saw was a silhouette of his "missing" sister; although, it wasn't his sister anymore. She was monstrous killing everyone in sight, trying to find her one reason for sinking so low in life. She was looking for Grishlers' parents and for Grishler himself, and it was to kill them and get rid of the burden of not being good enough for their attention. With their souls she would become Kishin and "free", she had found his parents but they were no match for what she had become. Grishlers' heart had broke as he watched knowing he couldn't do anything, and he lost control of his emotions and began sobbing. That unfortunately gave his position away to her, and she went after him with a hardcore vengeance. He tried to get away but she was fast and caught up with him quite easily, she swung at him and leaving a giant gash in his chest. Laying on the ground bleeding out, he thought he was going to die there by his sisters' hands. Slowly losing consciousness he manages to say one thing before passing out. "I'm sorry sister" he whispered in his last breath. Right after passing out the Shibusen arrived at the scene barely making it in time to save him.
Three days later Grishler awakes to find himself in the Shibusen infirmary with his torso in bandages and being in serious pain. The nurse hears that he is awake and goes to check on him and to make sure he doesn't open the wounds back up. After she gets him to calm down and gets the pain to settle a bit, she informs him that the Shinigami would like to see him when he can walk again.


Behind the strings

Alias: Grishler

Other characters: N/A


RP Sample:
 After giving some time for recovery I had decided to go see the Shinigami. I got out of bed and looked around for the nurse for directions to the "Death Room". She happily complied and told me how to get there the fastest way she knew. It's almost like she was expecting something good to happen once I got there. 'What could be planned for me today?' I had thought to myself, I guess I will find out once I get there.
Walking still hurt a bit, but that is expected from the type of injury I had gotten. Still in shock about what had happened I slowly made my way to my destination. 'This place is huge' my mind had kept thinking, probably as a way to not think about my sister. There are so many students and each of them are very different from each other. It was taking so long for me to get there I was starting to think I was lost. "Grishler over here!", someone yelled at me from a little down the hall. It startled me at first but then I looked to see who it was that knew my name among strangers.
It was the Shinigami signaling me to head his way. As nervous as I was about being somewhere I don't know and being around people I have never met I headed his way. It didn't take very long but I got to him. Face to face with him I respectfully bowed and said "my name is Grishler Gradlen, it is nice to meet you". I would like to thank you for saving my life sir. He responds "It's not a problem Brazen. I would like to talk to you if you don't mind." I had an idea as to what he wanted and so I blatantly told him "I haven't eaten any human souls". He looked at me a little confused then started laughing, "that isn't what I want to talk about". 
I stood there confused 'I wonder what he wants to talk about then, if it isn't that' I had wondered. "Brazen I wanted to ask you to join the Shibusen as a student!" the Shinigami had stated. I was in complete shock I didn't know what to think or say. 'How could he trust me after what my sister had done?' but still unable to say anything he told me "well if you don't know what to do think about it then when you have made up your mind come tell me". I just told him I would think about it, I mean can I even trust them with my safety or not to back stab me. That is something I had to decide and soon. 

[The Sidhe]

Okay, let’s get started.

Firstly, his appearance needs to be longer and reach at least 200 words. If he is tan from the sun just put that in as the cause rather than noting it. His hair doesn’t glow, there’s no reason for it in the Soul Eater universe. In addition, professional can fit under a lot of looks depending on where you’re from, please be more descriptive. Some of this is also opinion which is subjective to the individual, like associating his eyes with the ocean, so please remove it.

For someone who is 5’7”, being 195lbs is highly overweight. The average would be around 151lbs; since he’s described as being muscular from sports you could up him to 160lbs safely. Please fix this.

You need to include what he was trained in since childhood in his fighting style and describe it a bit. As it is we really don’t know how he fights, all we know is he waits and that’s not much at all.

You need to make his personality long as well; this should be at least three paragraphs. Maybe add a bit about how he acts in certain situations, what he’s like when he’s angry or sad, how he handles stress, etc. Reflexes and endurance are not personality traits; you can just list them in his strengths and weaknesses.

There is no reason why the blade of his partial form would be tinted green, please remove this.

Onto the history

Do not write in first person, especially since you continuously switch between first person and third person. We use third person on this site, please fix your wording to follow this.

Where is this village he grew up in?

Why would Shibusen be watching them? The only Weapons that would cause trouble would be Dark Weapons which Shibusen would already be watching and looking for to stop.

You mention he and his sister showing their Weapon blood very young, you need to specify age and how that was discovered for your character at the very least.

If his sister ate a human soul, she would have already been a Kishin Egg and fallen to madness, that’s how this works. And their parents damn well wouldn’t have been hunting them, Shibusen would’ve been since there’s a bit of a conflict of interest there. Saying that she did it out of jealousy is also a bit petty even for siblings, don’t you think? Not to mention in a village of only twenty-five, a sudden murder would be pretty noticeable.

The whole keeping his sister’s corruption a secret and the story following that is honestly ridiculous. It makes no sense they wouldn’t tell him. He’s a Weapon too, he knows that you become a Kishin Egg and will be culled if you eat a human soul, even if it upset him he would need to be told and understand.

The way you pace this, his sister went monster pretty damn quick. It takes time for Kishin Eggs to develop like that, like a few years at least. Also if they knew she was likely in the area, once again, she would be actively hunted by Shibusen.

If his parents were originally from Shibusen, which is implied since they apparently go after her and normal humans cannot do that, they would be a match for a new Kishin Egg. It’s highly unlikely that they would be felled by such a fledgling Kishin Egg.

That Shibusen team would’ve been there way earlier hunting his sister, but I’ve already said that.

What or how did his sister attack him? He was apparently seriously injured, we need details.

The insta-transporting him to Shibusen doesn’t make any sense. They wouldn’t know he’s a Weapon and take him there; they would’ve notified authorities and had him taken to a hospital. Also, where was he injured and how? Again, details.

Shinigami does not meet with every new student that arrives and his means of getting there wouldn’t work, so please remove this and turn it into something more sensible.

Like with his history, his RP sample needs to be in third person. It also needs to be changed as meeting with Shinigami is unlikely and the way you’ve written him is completely unlike how Shinigami-sama would act. We also suggest added a text color to when Grishler speaks and doing the same to his thoughts but differing them with italics. It will make it easier to read. You also didn’t fix the name thing in your RP sample.

As for general notes

Is there any particular reason he’s in the NOT class? We ask because those in the NOT class either lack a certain amount of combat experience or they lack proper control over their Weapon form.

In the race portion of your profile, he should be listed as a Weapon.

Shibusen, not the Shibusen.

Shinigami, not the Shinigami.

As an added note, please refrain from using canon characters in your profile.

Your account name needs to match you character’s name, and we do mean first and last.

Double spacing is your friend. So is detail.

Please make these adjustments and do feel free to PM us any questions.