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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 1:07:04 GMT -5
Chrismen; David; Rogue Demon Weapon
Name: David Link Chrismen
Nickname: Guardian, Link
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Race: Witch Weapon
Position: Un-partnered
Class: Two Star
Partner: None, as of yet
A Twisted Body
Picture:
Appearance: David has a pale complexion, and most commonly wears a black V-neck shirt with a white number 13 on the back, as well as hipster glasses. He also wears common blue jeans and white tennis shoes. In cold weather he wears a thick winter cloak with a black 13 on the back, as well as a light blue scarf and white pants. In hot weather, he wears a white tank-top with, again, a 13 upon the back, with black gym pants and sandals. He usually tends to not care about his hair style, and is always messy.
Height: 6 ft, 7 in
Weight: 130 Lbs
Fighting Style: Alone, David fights rarely, but when he does he fights with respect against the opponent. He tends to not belittle or taunt the opponent, as enraging someone alone could mean certain death. He usually won't talk in a fight, nor show signs of pain or a few emotions. If he knows he cannot defeat an enemy, he will try to flee. If he knows he can, however, he will give the enemy a chance.
If not alone, or guarding a witch, then he will do whatever it takes to guard the witch. If the witch is able to fight then he turns into his weapon form, if not, then he will protect her/him with his life. Even if it means his death. Since David is a demon shield, he can take massive amounts of damage. In one word, David fights defensively.
Personality: David is a docile, caring, cautious, and cheerful person. Despite him working with witches. He is incredibly protective towards the witches and other allies and tends to watch over them. David is also pretty smart, knowing a lot about magic, souls, weapons, and meisters. He listens to the witches as though they are his family, taking every command seriously.
David deals with situations easily and carefully. If the situation is a command, then it must be dealt with quickly, or punishment is inevitable. If the situation is social, then it's usual that it's done quickly and thoroughly. He usually only talks and interacts with witches, as an assistant and guard, but he also interacts with some weapons, meisters, and humans. He doesn't like talking to students of the DWMA, but he may sometimes have to. Many whom know about him believe that he's a keshin egg, though this is not true, he's never eaten a humans soul.
Corrupt the Soul
Weapon form: When David becomes his full weapon form, he becomes a spiked Tower shield, bound by spiked chains. It measures 5 feet tall and 2 feet long.
Partial Form: He can change his hand into one of the many spikes, or turn his arm into some of the shield. He can also have the chains shoot out of his body, either to block incoming attacks or strike them down.
Abilities: Massive damage resistance
Resonances:
~Chain storm, Chains binding the shield unleash and strike the opponent. Either by stabbing, slashing, impaling, or whipping
~Soul barricade, Large area is protected by a soul wall, nothing gets out or in for a short period of time, around 3 to 6 minutes.
~Chain Sword, Chains unbound and turn into sword
Out of your Mind
Strengths: Crowd controller, Damage resistance, intelligence, Heavily trained
Weaknesses: Weak whilst alone, weak to direct soul attacks, Hesitant, Suffers from depression
Hobbies: Has a bottle cap collection, knows origami
Likes: Books Witches Cats Paper airplanes Cooking
Dislikes: TV Movies Dogs Meisters/Weapons Sugar foods
Aspirations: Davids main goal is to Protect the Witches, other things include learning more and mastering his skills.
History: Before David Link Chrismen was born, his father was a weapon and mother a meister, they were amazing students at the DWMA. Killing kishen eggs that were deemed to hard for normal students. They were married after his father killed his 99th kishen egg. But on there last mission to find and kill a witch, she got away. They searched everywhere for the elusive witch only to find nothing, 11 months after they had given up. They lived a wonderful life in there free time during this period, even having a child named David. On the day they were going to look for her one last time, they found the witch in there home, looking at the child. There was more than one witch, however, they came to kill the weapon-meister pair. They succeeded in doing this, but dumbfounded about the baby, they took it and went back to there realm to announce a plan.
The Plan was to teach this child to obey the witches, and only the witches. The witches did this, making David think the DWMA is bad, and should be destroyed. He believed this, thinking the witches were mothers to him. As he grew up, the witches taught him basic and advanced subjects like math and science, as well as combat styles. At the age of 11 he stepped outside the witches realm, into the desert around the DWMA for the first time in a long while. He hated it, it's dry emptiness and giant landmark of Death city. 6 more years with the witches pass with more training and learning, just like the rest of his youth.
Extra Notes: David suffers from depression due to the loss of his family, he knows that none of the witches are really his family, and would give anything to learn about them. He also was mistaught as a child, and therefore believes only what the witches have taught him.
Behind the strings
Alias: Ghost
Other characters: None yet
Face Claim: None
RP Sample:
The brink of dawn had hit, David had awoke in his bed. He quickly cleaned his room and brushed his teeth, as well as remaking his bed. He took a hot shower and got on his clothing, making this way to the door when a letter slipped under the door. Probably just some letter from the library about the one overdue book, he took his letter opening knife and cut it open. The letter was from the library but wasn't about the overdue book, it was about it's closing due to the opening of a larger and better library. He had no idea why you can't just use the older library as it's still a library. But there was no time to waste, the day had begun and he had a busy schedule to keep. The first thing was to go training for 2 hours, then go on a 3 hour walk, then more training and lastly was spiritual meditation. After those exercises is getting food at the market, as well as getting pencils, pens, and paper for origami. Then comes reading for 3 hours and then dinner. That ends off most of the day, giving me a bit of free time until sleep.
Training consists of basic to advanced single combat techniques, like roundhouse kicks or carotid chokes. Even learning how to disarm unwary meisters of there weapons. Sometimes learning how to use his partial forms to good use. It is rare that he becomes his full weapon form to train, as the witches are often too busy to train using a witch weapon, but sometimes there it training with a witch partner. The 3 hour walk is to build up strong leg muscles for fighting and running. Spiritual mediation is for tuning and training the soul, at least thats what the witches say. It's just sitting around and concentrating for about 2 hours. Origami was taught to me when I was at least 6, it helps the mind unfold or something cool like that. Reading is the fun part of the day, the witches say it's to help your mind. It just seems like reading to me, though. I have like 3000 books in my bookshelf, most of witch i've already finished.
That's the days normal schedule for me. I usually don't got on missions, but if I do, I know that the trainings always gonna come in handy. I don't really get to talk to anyone a lot, because their always working on magic and stuff. I don't really know any of there names, though I know a few. All of the witches talk about the grandmother witch Mabaa, I don't remember if i've ever meet her but they say she has only one eye. The gossip is usually spread pretty fast, though I don't really have any friends here in the witches realm. I do, however, attend the ceremonies for the witches. It's usually the same thing, though. Some young witch has killed her first human or someone got married or blah blah blah. There's also witches mass, but I don't really go there. The witch realm is home, but it sure it boring...
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Post by Rylux on Jul 13, 2014 21:24:55 GMT -5
Ok, if this character was to work he is going to need a lot of work. So let’s look over what would need to be fixed with this first. Title: Firstly if he is a witch weapon it should say witch weapon instead of rogue weapon, there is a big difference. Nickname: Guardian doesn’t make much sense so that would have to go. Class: I’m just going to say no to you starting with a two star weapon even if they are a witch weapon. Picture: As this isn’t an anime character or celebrity I’m going to assume that this is you. Using yourself as an appearance makes the character look like a self-insert which is never a good thing. You can keep the appearance but drop the picture. Appearance: As stated in the character template appearance must be at least 2 paragraphs or around 200 words. You described his wardrobe but failed to tell me anything about the character himself. I do not know his hair or eye color, how muscular he is, or anything other than what he wears sometimes. Height/weight: At his height and weight he would be anorexic levels of underweight and not stand up to a fight at all. Fighting Style: This doesn’t tell me how he fights but how he acts in a fight. Knowing he is respectful is useful and all but amounts to nothing if you don’t explain if he is going to come at you with a punch or a kick. Also he would only be able to take massive damage in full weapon form and that is because he is a demon weapon. Personality: As stated in the character template the personality should be at least 3 paragraphs or around 300 words. We use Shibusen not DWMA so fix this. If he sided with witches he would be on Shinigami’s list, regardless of if he ate a pure soul or not he would be free game for Shibusen students. It is also kishin not kishin and whether he had become one or not is not a factor of his personality. Weapon Form: What color is he? What materials does he appear to be made of? There is so much more that can be described to give a better description of what his weapon form looks like. Partial Form: No. As it says in the character rules you get to start with ONE partial form and you have listed about 3. None of them would work as he is not spikes or chains so they would not be his partial form. Something along the lines of his shield form would work but it needs much more description before it can even be considered. Abilities: What is this? I have absolutely no idea what you mean with this. I have an idea but that wouldn’t work as that is not how abilities work. So explain this very well or scrap it. Resonances: Who is he resonating with? He doesn’t have a meister so how could he possibly have a resonance let alone 3? Out of the three you listed 2 are completely different weapon forms and one is magic. So no to these because you can’t start with a resonance, no because he lacks a partner, and no because none of these resonances are even feasible. Strengths/Weaknesses: Intelligent and trained in combat work but none of the others count as strengths and not a single one of those count as weaknesses. History: This is where the big problems start. -Again Shibusen and kishin not DWMA and kishin -Killing kishin eggs that were too hard for students? Doubtful. If that was the case teachers would be sent. -Where did they live? Where David lived should be stated. -I doubt a witch would hunt them down instead of just ignoring them. -Witches aren’t going to be interested in a random human child unless it was just to test things on. Dumbfounded is not something any would feel in that situation. -How would they teach him the organization considered the world police was bad? If that were to happen I need some details. -Combat styles such as? If he knows them he probably uses them and that should be stated under fighting style. -Why would they show him Shibuen? A witch would have to take him there and being that close is a death wish for any witch. -And here we have perhaps the biggest problem with the character. He wants to protect witches which tells me that you haven’t read the information on the site. Witch weapons are NOT weapons that help or side with general witches. Witch weapons are weapons that side with a heretic witch who has gone against her kind in order to create a death scythe and become stronger, the intention of surpassing the grand witch maybe coming into play. None of these things fit this character. -Finally your history should be at least 3 paragraphs or around 300 words at minimum. Extra Notes: This is fine but I do not see this come into play anywhere else in his profile minus a few brief mentions. If this is something that affects him than it should be explained how. RP Sample: This reads more like an explanation than an example of a post. Also you slip into first person which is also something to not do. Extra: –Run this through a spelling and grammar check as this is simply difficult to read in some areas from clustered half sentences, improper punctuation, and incorrect words. -Read the rules and character rules as you are missing something along with generally not understanding the basics of this sort of character. -Your account name should match that of your character. Now, as you can see if you want to fix this it will take a lot of work. Even if you do I doubt many witches would want to thread with you as they are not heretics and Shibusen students would attempt to kill you. A witch weapon is not a character to start with. I suggest scraping this character entirely and creating a student character first as that grants you the most opportunities to play them. Listen to my words in this review to make a new character better from the get go and they can get approved easier. Also read the rules, character rules, and guide to making characters as they are essential to understanding how to make a better character. If you have questions or need help please pm me and I will gladly assist you in making a character that will be approved easier and grant you more opportunity on the site.
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