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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 20:48:02 GMT -5
Grimm; William;Human
Name: William Evan Grimm
Nickname: Will
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Race: Meister
Position: Student
Class: One Star
Partner:
A Strong Body
Appearance: Will Grim is 5"11 tall and has average posture. His body is thin with some muscle, and his skin is fair. His hair is short and somewhat spiky, with bangs just above his eyes. His hair is a silvery white, and he has bright blue eyes. He has a scar on his left shoulder from his past, and a scar on his forehead from hitting a table when he was 4 years old.
He usually wears a black hoodie that has a blue X on the back and blue jeans with black and white shoes with black socks. There are also small blue X's at the end of his sleeves on his hoodie. His shoes are black loafers and there is a blue X on the toe of each shoe. The bottom of the shoes are white. He also wears black fingerless gloves that have silver knuckles. The fingerless gloves have blue X's on the back of the hands, and a white ring on the wrist. Underneath the hoodie, he wears a white t-shirt that has a black "Shinigami-Sama" skull and a simple silver chain necklace. His X motif is based around the fact he likes the letter X and the color blue.
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 155 lbs.
Fighting Style: Will uses a variety of palm and fist attacks in a martial art known as Liang Baguazhang. He aims for certain weak points in the body such as the stomach, back of the legs, neck, etc. He aims to out-maneuver and then tire his opponent by using acrobatic techniques as well as "circle walking", meaning that the attacks that he uses are based around moving in an imaginary circle. He likes to find the best opportunities available to optimize the most amount of damage to the opponent. His stances are based in fluid movements, transferring from one to the next in whatever choice of speed.
Personality: William is an intelligent individual, who just hates being bored. He will do well in most if not all school subjects with ease, and will do even better if he studies. In school, his attitude is "Get the work done, do it well." He couldn't care much about tiny errors, but will try to get the best work possible. He can work relatively well with others, providing they treat him and others with respect. He tends to be shy towards others at first, saying answers gently. But when he bonds with a person more, he becomes more open and isn't afraid to show emotions when stating his opinion or answer. Will has a giving nature, asking others if there is anything he could do to help those around him, and is perfectly fine with going out of his way to make someone's day easier.
Will also has a strong sense of justice. He doesn't like to stand by when something is wrong. However he isn't an angel. He can be passive-aggressive, meaning he will be nice to his friends and then quickly switch to menacing to his enemies. He is generally in a good mood, but is best to avoid if in a bad mood. He is protective of his friends, and likes to make sure people get along well. If asking nicely doesn't work the first time, then he tries it with a more solid tone. Growing up, he had a small group of friends, and that is what he remained comfortable with. When in a big group of people, Will tends to try and find a group of people he gets along with, as he doesn't like large crowds. As opposed to going to a party, he would rather sit around with friends and play video games. He also tends to daydream when bored.
Inside the Soul
Abilities: Will has Soul Perception, but still needs to perfect it. He can sense the general presence of souls and whether pure or kishin egg, but he cannot read the form or personality of the soul. His Soul Perception can reach 20 feet around himself.
Resonances:If you have a partner and resonance list and give a brief description of it/them here.
Out of your Mind
Strengths: Intelligent, Agile, Psychologically Strong
Weaknesses: Poor Balance, Low Endurance, Physically Weak
Hobbies: Drawing, Music (Violin and Singing), Video Games
Likes: Sweets, Cats, Dogs, Hoodies, Music
Dislikes: Coffee, Black Licorice, Country Music, Spiders
Aspirations: To become a three-star meister and a successful artist
History: Will Grimm was born in Toronto, Canada. He grew up with his father and mother as an only child. He could get along with the other children, but was more advanced in artistic talents. He developed a good sense of right and wrong, which was difficult for some in a big city like Toronto. Going on into elementary school, the boy did well to get along with his teachers, but was often called a teacher's pet. He wanted to make friends, but some of the children isolated him, leaving him to draw in the corner of the class with one other. He didn't know what to do, and talked often to his parents about school. His parents talked to him about learning martial arts so he could protect himself later on, and to learn patience. He trained in Liang Baguazhang, and took violin lessons, as a source of expression. He enjoyed learning the techniques and pressure points of his martial arts, and he loved making music with his violin.
Moving on into middle school, he wasn't teased as much. He grew up with video games and TV shows, and found a small group of friends that he could enjoy being around. He and his friends were also isolated from the popular athletes and others, but they didn't mind as much. William was happy that he had friends to help him out. Going through the years, the boy studied some psychology as a way of understanding people, and became intrigued about analyzing people's emotions. He sometimes wanted to learn how to manipulate people, but decided against it. In grade 8, his friends moved away. One to Winnipeg in Manitoba, one moving to New York, and the other moving to Vancouver in British Columbia. He was left with one friend that remained close. He continued to talk to his parents through the hard times. He told them of how he was teased sometimes and received more support. He learned at a younger age that the world can be mean sometimes, and decided he would strive to be a kind person.
In grade 9, something special happened. In the middle of class, he felt something strange within his body. He looked around and began to see small blue lights inside of his classmates. He was confused at this new sight, and didn't know what to make of it. As soon as it happened, his sight returned to normal. He continued through his day, still thinking about what happened. After school, Will talked to his mother about what he saw. She brought a dusty old book from the attic and showed the book to him. It was a book about the Meisters in his family. He read about his relatives, humans with the ability to sense the souls of other living beings. He remembered Shibusen, the academy that taught these people, and was interested. He made a deal with his parents that if he didn't end up liking school next year, he could go to Shibusen. Moving on to grade 10, Will continued in school, getting good grades. He got better at drawing and the violin, and dreamed about going to Shibusen. However, when you dream, something comes along and tries to put you down. Some of the jocks from school learned about Will's dream. They teased him about his weak appearance and how he wanted to fight monsters. His friend stayed to support him. He sat with his one friend at lunch and was teased by some teachers, yet did his best to ignore it. He enjoyed the company of his loyal friend, and made a promise to himself to try and let go of the past. He didn't let go for a few days. He disliked the way school had become, but he wanted to get through, and so he eventually let go. On another day, he was leaving school and was grabbed by well-known delinquent. He took him behind the school and whipped him on his back with a thorny stick. After awhile, Will started to bleed and then the attacker left him on the ground. After getting home, he treated the wounds, but wound up with a scar on his left shoulder. It was painful, but he wanted to be a kind person. So, he eventually let it go.
On his birthday, he went to school like normal and went through the day. He was given 16 birthday punches in the arm by 16 jocks. Not the best way to start his birthday. He went to class, trying to avoid getting more "birthday bumps". After class, Will was heading out of school when he was grabbed by a jock from the football team. He struggled against him, but wasn't much of a match for the jock's strength. It was the leader of the football team. The guy said that he didn't like the way that he was acting with "his girl". The boy thought for a moment, and remembered his lab partner, Mia. They were paired by the teacher, and so he didn't have much choice. Will was content with her, and she was fine with him. They were just lab partners, and then they went their separate ways. Apparently, this jock got the wrong idea and decided to teach him a lesson. Will stood up and prepared a stance. He was done with letting these guys mess with him, and he was going to stand up for himself. He gave a swift jab to the stomach of the jock and kicked him in the face as he bent over, knocking him backwards. In a rage, the footballer charged at Will like a bull. The boy sidestepped a little early, and was pushed against the wall. Struggling, he kneed the jock in the crotch, giving a chance to escape. He moved behind and stepped backwards. Seething with anger, the athletic attacker prepared to punch. He attempted to dodge, but moved too early and ended up getting hit in the stomach. Hard. After being beaten some more, he got up after the jock left. Leaving the fight, he decided that he didn't want to go to a school that he didn't like. And so, on his birthday, he decided to go to Shibusen. He wanted to let go of his past and move on, making friends and having a good school life. Will quickly talked to his parents, and they approved of the transfer. He said goodbye to his friend that helped him, and began getting ready for his new life. He bought a plane ticket with the help of his parents, flew to Nevada, and met his uncle. He was living in a city nearby, and was able to give Will a ride to Death City in his Jeep. After arriving in Death City, Will sent an email to his parents and got ready for his new life.
Behind the strings
Alias: Kizoku
Other characters:
Face Claim: No Face Claim
RP Sample: The sun shone brightly on this warm spring day. It was warm like any other day in Death City, and it was disappointing Will. Living in Toronto, he got to see lots of rain pouring on the sidewalks. But now, barely a cloud in the sky, the sun shone through and scared any chance of rain away. With a sigh, William got up from the bench he was sitting on and looked around. He was in the park, with the birds chirping and children playing on the playground. The 16 year old stretched his legs and walked in a small circle. He had this habit whenever he was stiff from sitting. Glancing at a nearby tree, he noticed a squirrel coming in and out of a hole.
William sat back down and looked at the creature. He liked cute things, and always enjoyed seeing them doing cute things. Squirrels were no exception. It's bushy tail flicked from side to side as the rodent sniffed the air, aware of the boy's presence. He pulled out a sketchbook and began to draw the squirrel. He quickly scribbled and flicked across the paper, and then looked at the product. He showed it to the squirrel and it went back inside it's hole. William smiled and continued to sketch on other pages. He drew weapons, clouds, balloons, people, anything he really wanted.
After awhile, William decided to pack up and get going somewhere. The problem was, he didn't know where to go. He was new here, and so he didn't know exactly where things were. Right now, he just wanted to have some ice cream or a slushie. He also wanted to meet someone. Being alone gets boring after awhile, the boy thought as he bit the pen's cap. He looked around to see if there was anyone to talk to. He saw a couple holding hands on a bench, a little girl playing hopscotch and a middle aged man smoking near a garbage can. Sighing with boredom, William lay down on the bench and began to hum a little tune very quietly.
sloppy makeouts
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Post by Rylux on May 21, 2014 13:06:17 GMT -5
Alright let’s get started on this review. Appearance: This needs to at least be 200 words. So he has two scars, one on his chest of all places, and you do not mention how he got them? That’s the kind of thing we want to see in histories. Is there any particular reason for this X motif? Height/Weight: Right now he is underweight for his height, bump his weight up. A chart to help you find a fitting match is linked in Masa’s review. Fighting Style: This should have what martial art he knows as well as how proficient he is at it. Also what you have feels somewhat contradictory, how does he aim for weak points and try to outmaneuver his enemies if “He tends to just wing his fights”. Doing what you said he does would require at least some thought if not actual strategy. Personality: This needs to be at least 300 words. Remove the parts related to him being artistic and animals liking him as they are hobbies and interest, not traits of his personality. Soul Perception: Tone this down a little. His range should be no more than 20 feet as he still needs to work on it. Why do his pupils turn white and his hair stand on end? Remove this as there is no reason for it. Strengths/Weaknesses: You have four strengths and three weaknesses, these need to be balanced. History: –He isn’t going to be teased about his hair. People have blue, pink, white, green, and other crazy colors of natural hair in this world. -All of his friends moved away? Every single one? -The same as with Masa you need to specify which martial art he learned. -He wouldn’t just pick up being able to read people with psychology after studying a little, that takes much more time than he seems to have invested. -I doubt it would take him until grade 9 to learn about Shibusen, they are a world power based in the country connected to his. -Why didn’t he go to Shibusen if he wanted to? -I doubt even “jocks” would be unaware of what Shibusen is. They might make fun of him because Shibusen students fight monsters and he is weak but they would know what Shibusen is. - So even though he is physically weak he managed to beat up 6 guys that were obviously more muscular, stronger, and used to more strenuous physical activity than him on his own and did it in a few minutes? Um no, nothing about that makes any logical sense Extra: Please read the rules and character rules, you are missing something. Please double space paragraphs so they can be more easily read. Change your account name to match the character
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2014 18:41:41 GMT -5
Edited.
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Post by Rylux on May 22, 2014 14:25:11 GMT -5
There are still a few things that need to be fixed before Will can be approved. Appearance: He isn’t a cat and his hair isn’t going to stick up like one Height/Weight: For his height he should be between 154 and 164 Fighting Style: What style of Baguazhang does he know as there are a lot. If he uses Baguazhang I would expect that circle walking would be mentioned in his fighting style since that is pretty much the staple of the martial art. Also what would he be classified in it? There are no belts but there are still levels. History: –So after his three friends moved away he never made any others? -Is there any need for the unreasonable ostracizing of Will? The smallest things are causing him to be completely ignored by everyone and it seems completely unfounded. Either provide a valid reason why he was ignored by everyone and couldn’t make friends that is believable or don’t use the trope in general. If something was that bad to cause such exclusion it would probably carry with him to Shibusen as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 18:31:42 GMT -5
Thanks for helping me. Sorry about these contradictions and such. Edited.
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Post by Rylux on May 22, 2014 23:10:36 GMT -5
Just a few more things Partner: Leave this blank until you actually partner. Fighting Style: “He likes to find the best opportunities available to optimize the most amount of damage” That sounds a lot like strategy. He can keep this but you’ll need to change it so that isn’t a weakness of his. History: -Will isn’t going to beat up the captain of the football team effortlessly like that. He would still be no stronger than a normal human then and he is clearly outclassed in strength. Chances are because Will is physically weak he would make the jab to the stomach, not hurt the jock, and be beat severely after. Change these and you should be good to go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 11:02:28 GMT -5
Edited.
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Post by Rylux on May 23, 2014 17:06:01 GMT -5
Alright everything looks good. Feel free to begin posting.
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